Ashes to Ashes

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." Genesis 3:19

Today was Ash Wednesday here in Guam. For whatever reason I can't remember going to too many Ash Wednesday services growing up or in recent years. Chances are I had a lot going on. Or had my Wednesday night Wine Group. Or Bible study. Or class. All good places to be. When Nick came home achy and feverish from work today, I thought I would claim some kind of sympathy illness (?) and skip tonight's service to hang out with the sick little puppy on the couch. But Nick insisted I go anyway since he wouldn't be much fun, and since I had already showered the salt water off of me from another wonderful day in the sun here, I figured I might as well go.

Tonight's service was such a great reminder of our humble entry to and humble exit from this world. We read Bible verses, sang a few hymns, and prayed, just like we do at every church service. But towards the end, we were summoned to the front to receive, if we wished, a cross of ashes on our foreheads. I know from hearing about it and going once or twice before that this is a part of Ash Wednesday tradition, but that wasn't the part that struck me. No. It was the pastor's words as he scraped the ash above my eyes: "Peyton, From ashes thou came. To ashes thou shalt return."

As I turned to take these words back to my seat with me, I thought about the beautiful life residing in each person filling up each seat in the congregation. It struck me that we are all here, without exception, in this liminal state between our humble origin and our ultimate destiny as plain, black ash. There is this gift of time and life that fills that space between, how much of each we know not. But we are given these arms and legs, these eyes and hands, these hearts and minds---almost as if on loan---to put to good use before returning to the ground. At the end, it will all become ash. Well, almost all of it.

I find it no coincidence that tonight, on my drive to the Ash Wednesday service, I found myself putting in a Tracy Chapman CD I hadn't listened to in ages and immediately skipping forward to the final track, past many of my other favorites. That final track sums up the words that resonate with me tonight at the beginning of Lent, a season I tonight learned was so named after the Old English word which means "to lengthen." That final track is called "All that you have is your soul." It's a beautiful song as well as a humble reminder. I recently heard a parent at our church explain to a child what the word "soul" actually means. They said, "it's that part of you that if you took away your arms and your legs and your ability to talk and your ability to see... it's the part that's left that still makes you you." I thought that was such a beautiful, simple description of that part of us that matters most. The part that, because of the Easter miracle, will one day be saved from becoming ash.

And so tonight, on Ash Wednesday, which many of you are just waking up to, I hope this season ahead of 40 days will be one in which you will be lengthened... one in which your spirit will be renewed. Because at the end of the day---rather, at the end of that day---that spirit is what makes this time before we return to ashes mean something. And even more comforting than knowing who you are is knowing whose you are. So grateful for this season, these forty days, of humility and growth.

Blessings,

Peyton

PS - Our church is doing a "lengthening" program called "You've Got the Time." If you listen to one 28-minute podcast every day throughout Lent, you will have heard the entire New Testament by Easter. If you're interested in joining me, the podcasts are free download here on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/faith-comes-by-hearing/id349979282

Kayaking to Cocos Island

On Thursday, I joined the base boonie stompers for a little something different: Kayaking! The weather the week before had been somewhat typhoon-ish. We'd been having 30mph gusts for 5 days straight, and currents had been pretty crazy too. The trip was rated "difficult" by the recreation staff, so we were a bit leery when our first stop after loading up the vans was to the Coast Guard station... to turn in our emergency contact information "just in case." Always good to be prepared, I suppose.

Anyhoo, we drove the 30 minutes down to the southern tip of Guam, Merizo pier, put the kayaks in the water, and off we went. From this picture here, it may look like we were *behind* some other kayakers. This was the VERY start and we were one of the last kayaks to put in the water. Rest assured, we got to Cocos Island first, thank you very much (uhhh, it wasn't a race... but it's always a race... I think being married to Nick has totally rubbed off on me). 

So we had a lovely 35-minute trek from the southern tip of Guam to Cocos Island. I have written about Cocos Island before when Nick and I took Propeller there, but we didn't go on the actual island because the reefs surrounding it are so shallow. Our boat motor would surely have suffered some major damage. So that's why the kayaks are so awesome. They can glide over the shallowest of reefs. It was a lovely trip out surrounded by "vacation blue" water, with the wind and the current at our backs (foreshadowing of the hard work to come).

Once on land, our guides led us on a hike to the ocean side of the island. The best part of having guides who grew up on Guam is that they point out things the rest of us would completely miss, like the turtle nests in the picture here. They are hard to see but there are actually four areas that look like sandy bowls where turtles laid eggs in at one point. Cocos really would be the perfect place because it's so secluded with very few manmade structures or lights. There is one Japanese day resort on the island down the way a bit, but for the most part, it's all rustic nature.

 
The trek across the island was pretty neat. The ground was covered in pine needles, of all things. And we saw four or five large monitor lizards that I didn't know existed out here. These things were really good at climbing trees, so I'm pretty impressed I got this clear of a picture of one. In addition, I immediately noticed the unfamiliar chirping of birds. I ran this by my guides and, sure enough, the villainous brown tree snakes that wreaked havoc on the Guam bird population did not have the same destructive impact out on Cocos, so there is still a thriving tropical bird population. I never saw these birds all hidden up in the treetops, but hearing them made me feel like I was back in Hawaii again!

The back side of the island received a lot more surf break. You could hear the waves tumbling as we approached. The beach was mostly old coral rocks, so not anywhere to lay out and spend the day, but definitely beautiful. Our group had a great time and I enjoyed getting to know many of them better. I have been on a few hikes now with my kayak buddy Renea (white shorts, red bathing suit). She lives in my neighborhood and only has a few months left on Guam, so she's making the most of it.

After our stroll across the island, we made our way back to the kayaks and put in to start the long paddle back. We knew it would take longer going back since the current and winds were against us. So we started paddling. And we paddled. And we paddled some more. Finally, 55 minutes later, we arrived back at the boat ramp in Merizo:

And we were still smiling (of course we were, since we were the first group back... winners!! j/k... not a race...). No, seriously, it was an awesome day and I can't wait to take Nick on the 5-mile kayak trip at some point. Especially because we will have a double kayak. And he will do most of the paddling (kidding, honey... although we both know it's kind of true... lucky me!).

Shark Attack!

Okay, now before anyone gets too excited, I must explain. My friend Kate and I hiked down a cliff (on a trail) to Spanish Steps to go snorkeling. This is one of Guam's best snorkeling spots and Kate only has a few weeks left on this island before moving to the boring and cold East Coast to have her baby. So I was happy to have any excuse to head to this beautiful spot.  We were there for about 45 minutes poking around, not too impressed by the day's showing of fish.  We went at high tide (purposely so Kate's belly didn't drag on the rocks - cute!) and the currents were crazy. We literally had to hold onto rocks to keep from getting sucked away at times (though this sounds much more dramatic than it actually was). The water clarity wasn't as amazing as it usually is and the sun hid behind a cloud taking away the illumination source. All in all, it was shaping up to be a ho hum day... until we turned a corner into a lagoon and all of a sudden a bunch of fish started swimming very quickly towards us. Weird, I thought. The fish always swim away. I wonder if...

Sure enough - shark! Sharkssss actually! As soon as Kate and I realized we were swimming in a lagoon with a bunch of sharks, we did what any normal Guam snorkelers would do... we swam towards them as fast as we could to get a better look---and hopefully some pictures. So yes... we were the ones who, in essence, attacked the poor sharks, paparazzi style. There were 4 or 6 of them, 18 inches to about 2.5 feet long. We followed them around for about 15 minutes, trapping them in the lagoon whenever possible to get a better look. Taking pictures was tough because they are so fast! Here's a video to give you a bit of an idea:

Up to this point, I had yet to see a single shark since being on Guam, so it made for an awesome day to see so many of them so close up so unexpectedly! And I have to say I'm pretty impressed with Kate. Even 7-months preggers, she was at least as I excited as I was to be swimming with these vicious killers (again, way more dramatic than it really was).

I am thrilled to hear that just last week Guam passed a law that the practice of shark finning is now illegal. I just learned this, but apparently shark fin soup is a status symbol in some cultures (not sure if it's Asian or Chamorro) because of how pricey it is at restaurants... our equivalent of "I'll have the lobster and caviar," I suppose. Consequently, there is a horrible fishing practice where people would catch sharks of any age or size and cut off all their fins and throw the rest of the shark back in the water. Sharks need to swim forward to push water through their gills, and without fins, they were left to slowly suffocate to death. So now the practice is illegal, and so is killing sharks in general, which will hopefully allow sharks to have a better shot at making it to their adult reproductive age (about 7 years old).

That's the marine biology lesson for the day.  Thanks to Kate for getting me to this gorgeous place for our awesome predator sightings and our very own shark week!

Twenty-Seven

At dinner on my 28th birthday. First birthday with Nick since I turned 23!

Despite Nick's suggestion, I will not be spending this post discussing the top 27 things about being 27. Or by listing the top one thing of each of my 27 years (year 1: eating, year 2: talking, year 3: potty training, etc.). He insists it would get more interesting if I kept going.

But on many levels, I do think 27 has been a defining year in a number of ways. I have always joked that the actual definition of being an adult is having the old person trifecta: 1) a spouse, 2) a baby, and 3) a mortgage. Despite still having just one of the three boxes checked, I feel like I could now add a catchall 4th option: Any of the above three and/or you are 27 years old. I feel like, more than in other years, my 27th year was filled with milestones and life lessons that were clearly telling me I've crossed to the other side, regardless of what my own criteria may have been.  And once on the other side, the lessons seem to strike harder and sink deeper. So rather than recap the year, as I did at new years, I thought I'd touch on some of the new understandings I have.

A picture from the birthday golf round!

One of the things I've learned this year is how important it is to try new things. When Nick started dragging me to the driving range right before he deployed in 2009, I was reluctant. I mean, seriously, golf is for dads and grandmothers, right? And I certainly wasn't any good. But I figured at least it will be a way to spend time with Nick, so I borrowed some clubs and went. Last April when we scooped up his grandmother's clubs in New Jersey, I suddenly found myself with my own golf property, and I built on that to develop a new identity as a golfer, or if that's a stretch, someone who plays golf. This may sound oversimplified, but I think a lot of the reasons people don't try new things is they simply can't picture themselves as a runner or a SCUBA diver or a painter or a triathlete. I feel like once I "owned" the identity of being a golfer, I found myself dressing the part (golf skirt!) and looking forward to playing---even by myself---and relishing in the milestones: my first par, my first birdie, and yesterday (on my birthday, mind you!), my first time to score an even 100 (so close to my goal of shooting in the 90s!). There have been some ugly, ugly strokes and putts along the way. But I have a new hobby that I love, something I can do to meet new friends or even hang out with my dad. And hopefully, like MomMom, I can keep it up well into my 80s.

Another round of lessons, sadly, has been in my understanding of tragedies. I have touched on this a number of times in my recent reflections, of Khalil Gibran's ruminations about the interconnectedness of joy and sorrow. That our experience with sorrow increases our experiences with joy. That's all well and good, however, it doesn't prevent fatal accidents of brave heroes serving overseas. And it doesn't cure stage-four cancer among even the most joyful of believers. I have always known (in my head) that believing in God does not keep tragedy from affecting your life. But I feel like this year, I came to really know that. After watching dear friends go through unexplainable, devastating tragedies losing people they love---even tiny babies---way too soon, my only reaction at the end of the day is to take a deep breath... in... out... and accept that I don't have the answers. Life is mysterious. God is even more mysterious. And joys and tragedies will make their way onto our doorstep at random or like clockwork throughout our time on this planet. And at the end of the year, I can still choose to be joyful living in the mystery, especially after just a few moments ago looking at a photo album of a friend who endured three miscarriages in the past few years... a friend who now holds her precious miracle in her arms :)

Flying solo at a church potluck (I won the potato contest!)

And finally, the move to Guam is certainly a biggie in the growing up category. From the very beginning, watching the moving van pull up to our home in Coronado, I felt myself looking around wondering where the adults were who were going to oversee the movers and inventory all of our things as they disappear into shelters of cardboard and tape. I found myself with a clipboard in my hand and, yup, it was me. I suppose I've always been pretty self-sufficient, independent, etc. But that first day after Nick left and I was on Guam "by myself" for the first time, I definitely had to give myself a pep talk. You can do this. You can make this place your home. You can find meaningful ways to fill your time here. You can keep your relationships back home and find great new friends here too. So that's what I did, or at least have attempted to do. And it's not just for the sake of keeping the blog upbeat that I say I love it here. I really do. And I have come to appreciate what a gift of time and purpose it is for me to be here with Nick for these two years.

Me and Jane... I mean, Mom

All this growing up and yet, one more lesson this year is how nice it is to still be somebody's baby. For the previous five years living and working in various parts of the U.S., I had my mom listed as "Jane" in my cell phone. So whenever I needed work advice or wanted to catch up about things back home, I'd call Jane. In our first 48 hours on Guam, I got my new cell phone here. And she was the first phone number I punched in to call (partly because she's got one of the only numbers I still have memorized!). But when I went to save her number, she became "Mom" again, and always will be. Having all these new mom friends has made me so aware of the fact that birthdays are milestones as much (or more even) for our parents as for us. So, can't let the day pass without a little thank you :)

And on that note of thank you, thanks to all of you who make such an effort to keep in touch. For those who read regularly, for those who read sporadically, for those who don't read but call or email, for those who send me mail because you know it feels like summer camp when I get mail here, and for all of you who used my birthday as an opportunity to remind me I'm not as far away as I think... thank you! Keeping in touch truly is the best birthday gift of all. I look forward to hearing from you all more throughout my tenure at twenty-eight. And hey, the way the post office works around here, pretty sure my birthday will be continuing at the mailbox every day for the next few weeks or so! Woohoo!

Boonie Stompin

At Tarzan Water Hole

I have had a fantastic time being back on Guam these past few weeks. While I had an amazing time in the States and got to see so many people I missed, I also gained a renewed understanding of the opportunity we have living in such a unique, exotic place. Combined with the fact that we only have about 18 months left here, I have had great motivation to get out and make it happen.

 
I find I am happiest on Guam when I am doing the best Guam has to offer. One of those things I have done a lot of the past few weeks is hiking, or "Boonie Stompin" as we like to call it here.  Every Thursday, the outdoor recreation center takes a group of people on a scheduled hike. I have started making a point of leaving Thursdays free so I can go on as many of these as possible. You basically show up and get on a van and they drive you to the trail head and lead you to the destination, usually a waterfall or cave or ocean view. Having all the logistics taken care of makes the hikes really enjoyable.

Muddy trail, Exhibit A

The hikes are pretty rustic. I use the word "trail" loosely because oftentimes it seems like there is no trail--or that there are 13 trails and you have to choose the right one despite the fact that none of them are marked and all of them look the same, but only one takes you to the right place. I have heard many a Guam horror story about people getting lost on hikes here because they find their way there but can't find their way back to the car. The good thing is, you can only be lost in the jungle for so long before running into a road or the ocean. Thank goodness for that.

Sometimes the downpours create bonus waterfalls along the way. As in, what was previously the trail is now a waterfall.

Muddy me+shoes about to jump in the ocean to clean off

By the end of these hikes, you are usually covered in muddy red clay with streaks of sweaty bug spray and sunscreen residue dripping down all of your limbs. And usually it rains at some point, so you often get home soaking wet. Showering is actually step 2. Step 1 involves rinsing off with the hose before you can even step foot into the house. After the hose, shoes go in the washing machine and outside to dry.







So why deal with the bug bites, the sword grass, the downpours, the hot sun, the mud, the drippy sweat, and the potential to run into snakes? Well, some incredible viewpoints for one:

Sigua Falls

Taguan Point

Lower Sigua

Mt Lam Lam

 It's also a great way to discover new places and things...

Heading into Pagat Caves

Rock bridge into the ocean

New terrain & vegetation

Plus a chance to meet new friends :)

All in all, totally worth those muddy shoes!

Love Around the World

My first order of business back on Guam was planning and coordinating a Valentine's banquet at my church. The banquet was a fundraiser for the mission trip I am planning to Manila this summer for 10 youth and 7 adults. We will be spending the week working in an orphanage and teaching English to small kids there. Given the international focus, our theme for the evening was "Love Around the World." I arrived on Guam with 11 days until the dinner and immediately hit the ground running.
 

On our 8-hour drive from Pensacola to Houston, my mom gave me some great fundraising ideas. I am so lucky to have one of the best strategists in my corner. The first task was to create some Valentine-type raffle prizes to entice people at church on Sunday. That way, anyone could take part in the raffle (and adding to the pot) even if they weren't coming to the banquet.  I put together a few wine baskets, picnic sets, and tea baskets, mostly with stuff from around the house that I never used. And one lady at church who sells Mary Kay put in a gift certificate. All in all, a pretty good showing. We raised well over $100 through raffle ticket sales.

We ended up having about 36 people attend the dinner. Once everyone was seated, I led everyone in an icebreaker that involved going around the room and finding your "match." Each lady was given a card with a word on it in another language. That word translated to love in some language. The men were given cards with corresponding languages and everyone had to wander around the room until they found the word for love that corresponded with their language. Matches introduced each other to their spouses and we went around the room sharing names and enlightening each other on the word Love in other languages. The winner of the game was the pair that ended up with "mahal kita" which means "I love you" in Tagalog, the language of the Philippines.



Next up was food! The youth who are going on the trip were our servers for the evening. They had a great time taking and fulfilling orders and delivering requests. Each table had a menu, a trip fact sheet, and a love offering envelope. We decorated each table with heart confetti my friend Kate helped me create. Along with candles, decor included vases of fresh herbs from my garden and flowers from the jungle. That's the great thing about Guam. If you see flowers growing on the side of the road, they're free for the taking. They will grow back in no time!

One of the big hits during the evening was the very simple appetizer I made ahead of time: toasted bread and homemade herb butter. I had several people ask me for the herb butter recipe. It's so simple. Mix a few cloves of garlic together with handfuls of various fresh herbs and blend them into a butter spread. For this batch, I used parsley, sage, rosemary and Thai basil (we don't have thyme or I would use that just to be lyrical). All mixed together, the butter it turns a little green, but the flavors are incredible.

Our first course was salad. We decided to get away from the boring lettuce tomato number and opted for spinach salad with mandarin oranges, dried cranberries and feta cheese with raspberry vinaigrette. While guests ate, we entertained them with jokes and door prizes. We were also providing childcare that night, so while the parents were mingling, we had the kids complete a Valentine's Day mad lib. We read it to the adults while they were eating. Lots of laughs from this no cost entertainment!

 Speaking of entertainment, we were so fortunate to be able to provide live music! We have some musically talented youth who pulled their band together for the evening and prepared some fabulous songs. They even changed their typically punk music style to be appropriate to our audience. A week before the guitarist asked me if Eric Clapton's "You Look Wonderful Tonight" would be a good song for the evening, since one of the other band members suggested it and he'd never heard of it before. And here we have it, reason #293 my job makes me feel old.

The evening's main meal was capellini with seasoned meatballs, smothered in marinara and garnished with fresh basil sprigs. So, yes, it's a fancy way of spelling out that classic church spaghetti dinner, but the details made it seem just a little fancier.

To get more bang for our buck, we asked parents to contribute goodies for our Chocolate Extravaganza dessert bar. Delish!

While our guests ate their main course, I took the evening up a notch and did a short message to everyone about how important this mission trip was to our youth. Of course, I tied in the whole love theme from Valentine's Day and the banquet. But I also did something a little bold and read from my journal. The passage I chose was from when I was 17 years old participating in a mission trip in Texas and experienced Christ in a very real way for the first time:

"After this week, I have never felt so close to God. I have never known what the word close meant until now. God right now has taken over and he's filling me with these wonderful thoughts of what it's like to be His. His arm is around my shoulder and He's smiling at me because He's accomplished His goal."

It's been ten years since I wrote those words and I still remember that moment and that evening in great detail. I've used my journal before to connect to youth. It's one thing to hear churchy stuff preached by someone twice your age. It's another thing to hear that person's exact words and thoughts from when they were your age. I always get nervous reading from my journal, but I also believe there's a lot of power behind these messages. So I clear my voice, take a deep breath, and go for it.

Me & Doug, the other youth director & chef

Shortly after my message, we collected a love offering from those in the crowd while they stuffed their faces with chocolate and listened to the youth band play some great songs. The other youth director, Doug, and I waited until after the evening was over and everything cleaned up to sit down and count our winnings from the night. Last year this banquet raised just over $300. I was hoping to raise that number to $500 and my secret stretch goal was to get it to $765 - the cost of one youth to go on the trip. I was completely floored when we totaled it up and it came to $948! And over the course of the weekend, an anonymous donor put in the extra $52 to raise it to the even $1,000 mark. Pretty amazing for one night of fellowship among a group this small!

Pastor Jeff & I decked out in red

I was on Cloud 9 all weekend, writing thank you notes and just plain glowing from the fabulous success the dinner was. It wasn't the dollar amount, per se, that had me so excited. It was the confirmation from our congregation that they feel like this trip is important, and worth all the work we are putting into the preparations. I was also excited because there are some youth who simply will not be able to go on this trip unless we raise all of the money for them to go. It seemed like a lofty goal when I first set out, but so far I have nothing but nods from all directions that this trip is a go. What made me feel most special was when personal friends of mine, even a friend here on Guam who has nothing to do with our church, made a donation for the dinner.... just because it was something that mattered to me and seemed like a worthy cause. Thank you, friends :)

Aaaah young love

Follow-up from the dinner has been fantastic. I certainly enjoyed the opportunity to flex my event planning muscles. But my favorite piece of feedback so far was from one of the parents of a youth who was originally signed up for the trip but ran into a conflict with summer travel. Her mom said after hearing my journal entry, she and her husband both agreed they would do everything they could to try to make their daughter's schedule work so she could go on the trip with us. They didn't want her to miss out on that kind of opportunity. I am thrilled, since I don't want her to miss out either!

I had the opportunity to take part in many service trips when I was growing up. Even in my adult years, it has been those weeks out of my normal, everyday life spent serving others in a faraway land that helped me realize how privileged my life is and how little others have. As we prepare for this trip between now and June, it is my prayer that our youth will come to understand a little more how God works in this world. And I hope that this understanding will be transformed into creativity, compassion, and love. And there we have it: Love around the world :)

Happy Birthday CH-T!

I just wanted to celebrate my sister Courtney today (the 15th) as she turns the big three-zero!  The celebration started with a surprise getaway to Boston with her fiance Ben this past Valentine's weekend, and it continues with Court taking a CH-T day off work to do whatever she wants all day long. Sounds like a genius formula for an awesome and memorable birthday.  I just wish I could be there to celebrate!

Part of me wants to go on and on about how I can't believe I have a 30 year-old sister. But when I think of all Courtney has done in her twenties, it's actually kind of hard to believe she's only just now turning 30! Courtney started her twenties president of our sorority at Florida, graduated, got an awesome job in Houston, bailed out for London (where she got employee of the month her first month working there!), backpacked across Europe (and went to the Olympics in Greece!) scammed the system (legally, people) to get work visas in London for five years, including getting her Master's there. She met her fiance Ben in the process of doing her Master's thesis about online dating (more genius), just in time to bring him to our wedding so he could meet the whole crazy family at once :)

Along the way, she has traveled like crazy (Malta, Egypt, Hong Kong, Australia, Spain, Jamaica & 3X to New Zealand, to name a few!). Plus she has done an amazing job of coming back to the States for friends' weddings, family gatherings and Gator football games. I was so glad when she and Ben moved to San Francisco, just up the PCH from us. Finally we were in the same time zone and only an hour flight away. She landed a rockstar job doing something she was a front runner on: video conferencing. She had all of us using Skype before most people our side of the pond had heard of it.

Most important to me, she has managed to stay involved in my life despite the fact that we have lived 7 to 8 time zones apart for most of the last ten years. We have partied together at weddings and football games. We have wept together at funerals (and sad movies, who am I kidding). We have grieved together in letters to each other. And we have celebrated each other's accomplishments and milestones, sometimes even in person (engagement!!). She was the perfect maid of honor at our wedding, and now I am thrilled to have that same honor as she and Ben tie the knot in the near future at a fabulous location!

So Court, on your birthday, just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome big sister. You set the stage for me to challenge myself to try more new things and go more places in this life. And what kind of a little sister would I be if I didn't point out that for the next 11 days, you are 30 and I am only 27. Then again, a little voice is creeping in my head urging me to say, "Don't count the candles, just enjoy the glow." And as you begin this next fabulous decade of travel and adventure and friendships and marriage, just know I'll be there cheering you on every step of the way. Love you, big sis... and happy birthday!